I both love and hate how much of my life is based on unknown, changeable plans. Yes, I bought into this when I stepped on the consulting bandwagon years ago. But I don’t think “change” is something you can ever get used to – I for one, still struggle with the ‘normalcy’ of constantly not knowing where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing this time next month. And recently, it’s not by month, but by week. And this is happening on several fronts:
Work
Since I’ve come home from my international engagement 4 weeks ago, I’ve been sitting around (or ‘on the beach’ in Consulting terminology), waiting for an official start date on my next project, which keeps being delayed with the expectation that the contract will be signed “in a few days.” Because this project involves extensive travel to Seattle and South Africa, I’ve decided to postpone moving myself back home to New York until the project is over. And thus passed an entire month, upon which I look back and think about just how much I could have done with the time had I not been waiting by the hour to hop on a plane the next day.
With all this delay, I’ve seriously considered going to another project and beginning my move. Just as I am about to put my foot down on this decision, I received notice that YES the contract has been signed! What does this mean? That within 1-2 days, I should pack up my bags to spend the next entire month hopping between continents. But hey, this is no one’s fault – it was completely within my power to say no, to find another project. I actively chose this kind of lifestyle, really. And with this lifestyle, I also bought into being okay with having an extremely ‘flexible’ personal life, and having friends no longer expect me to show up to anything. But with these sacrifices, I’ve been able to travel around the world, work hand-in-hand with key players to make positive impacts, and most importantly, gain a personal perspective of today’s global landscape. And with this perspective, I’m able to confidently test, evaluate, and reformulate my own values. And this is the source of my love-hate relationship.
School
As if things aren’t confusing enough, I bring it upon myself to add a new dimension of stress by applying to schools this year. What I hate about the application process is more or less expected: months of studying for an exam that tests neither my management ability nor my career interests. Entire weekends spent with eyes glued to my laptop, writing and rewriting pages of application essays. If my job as a consultant had left any inkling of personal time, the applications took it away.
What I love about this whole process is less apparent, but valuable. In the months spent drafting pages of essays, I’ve been ‘forced’ by the application process to do a detailed and thorough evaluation of who I am, in every aspect, from every angle.
- What inspires me?
- What kind of leader am I?
- What are my professional strengths?
- How can I use these strengths in the future?
- How have I grown in my career thus far?
- How have I grown as a person as a result of my career thus far?
- What is my sense of ‘community’?
- Does the role I play in my community reflect who I am?
- How can I positively impact those that are important to me?
- What are my values?
- How do my values relate to what I want to do in the future?
All of this. and so much more. Which makes it obvious as to why this application process is a complete headache, and yet, a valuable experience.
And now, as I pack my bags for a weekend interview on the West Coast, while waiting in anticipation for official news from the East Coast, I think about the ‘crazy’ lifestyle I’ve gotten myself into, and the irreversible amount that I’ve grown as a result.