love and hate relationships

I both love and hate how much of my life is based on unknown, changeable plans. Yes, I bought into this when I stepped on the consulting bandwagon years ago. But I don’t think “change” is something you can ever get used to – I for one, still struggle with the ‘normalcy’ of constantly not knowing where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing this time next month. And recently, it’s not by month, but by week. And this is happening on several fronts:

Work

Since I’ve come home from my international engagement 4 weeks ago, I’ve been sitting around (or ‘on the beach’ in Consulting terminology), waiting for an official start date on my next project, which keeps being delayed with the expectation that the contract will be signed “in a few days.” Because this project involves extensive travel to Seattle and South Africa, I’ve decided to postpone moving myself back home to New York until the project is over. And thus passed an entire month, upon which I look back and think about just how much I could have done with the time had I not been waiting by the hour to hop on a plane the next day.

With all this delay, I’ve seriously considered going to another project and beginning my move. Just as I am about to put my foot down on this decision, I received notice that YES the contract has been signed! What does this mean? That within 1-2 days, I should pack up my bags to spend the next entire month hopping between continents. But hey, this is no one’s fault – it was completely within my power to say no, to find another project. I actively chose this kind of lifestyle, really. And with this lifestyle, I also bought into being okay with having an extremely ‘flexible’ personal life, and having friends no longer expect me to show up to anything. But with these sacrifices, I’ve been able to travel around the world, work hand-in-hand with key players to make positive impacts, and most importantly, gain a personal perspective of today’s global landscape. And with this perspective, I’m able to confidently test, evaluate, and reformulate my own values. And this is the source of my love-hate relationship.

School

As if things aren’t confusing enough, I bring it upon myself to add a new dimension of stress by applying to schools this year. What I hate about the application process is more or less expected: months of studying for an exam that tests neither my management ability nor my career interests. Entire weekends spent with eyes glued to my laptop, writing and rewriting pages of application essays. If my job as a consultant had left any inkling of personal time, the applications took it away.

What I love about this whole process is less apparent, but valuable. In the months spent drafting pages of essays, I’ve been ‘forced’ by the application process to do a detailed and thorough evaluation of who I am, in every aspect, from every angle.

• What inspires me?
• What kind of leader am I?
• What are my professional strengths?
• How can I use these strengths in the future?
• How have I grown in my career thus far?
• How have I grown as a person as a result of my career thus far?
• What is my sense of ‘community’?
• Does the role I play in my community reflect who I am?
• How can I positively impact those that are important to me?
• What are my values?
• How do my values relate to what I want to do in the future?

All of this. and so much more. Which makes it obvious as to why this application process is a complete headache, and yet, a valuable experience.

And now, as I pack my bags for a weekend interview on the West Coast, while waiting in anticipation for official news from the East Coast, I think about the ‘crazy’ lifestyle I’ve gotten myself into, and the irreversible amount that I’ve grown as a result.

from 07 to 08

Every year at about this time, I like to plop myself at a cafe and reflect on the year that’s about to come to a close. This year is no different, as I’ve definitely gone through quite a bit in 2007. However, it’s a bit nerve-wrecking trying to plan for 2008, as I’m currently waiting for several key decisions that will determine pretty much everything I do in the coming year. So my 2008 plans will temporarily assume that everything happens according to plan :)

2007 in Retrospect: Last year, I have…

• Spent 7 months living and working in a developing country, learning more about myself than anything else.
• Gotten my Scuba diving Open Water certification.
• Traveled to Bangladesh, Nepal, and Thailand.
• Fully experienced the infamous South-Asian summer monsoons.
• Began to develop a more ‘international’ view of the world – specifically, I’ve started to see how much influence the US does not have over the rest of the world.
• Finally gotten to catch up with some old friends I haven’t seen in years.
• Watched my stocks roller-coaster and have temporarily lost faith/interest in the domestic financial markets.
• Forgotten how to drive.
• Completely lost my alcohol tolerance, but continue to love wine, passionately.
• Gotten my act together and taken the GMAT that I have been “getting ready to take” for the past 2 years.
• Decided last minute to throw together two grad school applications, both of which were submitted hours before final deadlines.

2008 in Anticipation: This year, I will…

• Take advantage of my next project with the Gates Foundation to learn even more about international development.
• Sneak in a quick tour of Africa while I’m on the project.
• [Hopefully] be making a huge, drawn-out decision between spending the next two years in New York or San Francisco.
• Begin applying for loans and preparing myself for years of debt.
• Relearn all the French that I’ve lost over the past few years.
• Pick up piano again.
• Build up a consistent running routine.
• Lose my chub of a stomach, once and for all!
• Quit my consulting job and do some more traveling.
• Go back to SE Asia for my Advanced OW diving certification.
• Convince myself to to save up some money amongst all of this.

If all goes well, 2008 should be an amazing year :)

suburban mornings

I’m at home in the Maryland suburbs, visiting family for the holidays. Except I’m not – I’m actually sitting at a Starbucks, with my tall Americano and a “maple oat nut” scone, reading a sprinkling of news articles from the WSJ, Economist, and NYTimes.

Since I’ve come back, I’ve woken up every morning, gotten in the car, and driven 10 minutes down the road to this single Starbucks within pretty much a 15-20 mile radius to have a cup of coffee and read the morning news.

This drives my parents insane – but there’s coffee and internet connection at home! But it’s not that. And it’s not specifically Starbucks either, not really. Old habits die hard. I love/have to start my mornings at a cafe, and in New York, this would be nothing out of the ordinary. I guess it’s the smell of roasted beans, and the routine bustling amongst familiar strangers in the morning. On a good day, I’d hop out of bed and out for a short morning jog, then drop by the cafe next door for a morning fix. Or on a sluggish day, I’d roll out of bed, and drag myself down to the cafe – the best part of waking up. Everyone does this!

But as I sit here and watch the empty tree-lined streets, it is slowly occurring to me just how odd this habit would be if I actually lived here – to make an entire trip out of a simple morning routine (which makes me realize that the baristas here must wonder why I’m here so often!) Morning activity happens within the privacy of one’s own home, nothing is left out to the public until all is washed, polished, and ready to be presented. So suburban.

Man, I miss New York.

where the heart is

I’m back! After being abroad for almost 7 months, it feels surreal to be back in my old room, and comforting to walk around the streets and realize that after circling around for so long, I’ve returned to familiar sights and sounds and smells. And yet, it’s no longer summer, and autumn has come and gone away. I’ve come home to holiday lights. To red Starbucks cups. To busy streets with busy strangers wrapped tightly in scarves and wool coats. Yes, things have changed, but they are still the same.

The mystery and intrigue of the outside world will continue to tempt my vagabond tendencies. But as my plane swooped above green fields and city buildings against the blue sky, and as I hold on to my navy blue passport and the packet of airplane peanuts I’ve long since given up on trying to open, the only sounds I heard were the words from Michael Buble’s “Home” on my iPod, the only thing on my mind was how happy I am to be home.

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I want to go home

I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I’ve got to go home

It will all be alright
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

it’s that itch again…

As I approach my last few weeks on this project and begin making plans to return to the States, I find myself once again thinking about where I want to live. Specifically, for the past three to four years, I’ve thought about making a move to San Francisco. Each time I visited for work/pleasure, I found myself thoroughly enjoying the life there and not wanting to leave. I’ve always known that San Francisco would be the only other place I could see myself moving to if I ever left New York.

After daydreaming about this for the past few years, it’s a bit unnerving that I might actually do it, within the next few months. And my mind’s inevitably filled with endless questions and dilemmas…

- Am I ready to transition from the familiar straight-forward east coast attitude to the happy, ‘euphoric’ optimism of the west coast?

- If I end up not liking San Francisco, would I have wasted my time?

- But I’ll be close to the outdoorsy activities that I love. I’ll be one step closer to Tahoe, wine country, scuba diving, good weather

- But am I okay with leaving behind my friends and family?

- And can I live without the four seasons?

- Can I give up amazing pizza, bagels, and world-class cuisine? And I don’t like Mexican food!

- And most of all, can I really leave New York without missing it and feeling miserable?

Despite all the back and forth wavering, I’m self-aware enough to know that I will ultimately follow my gut-instinct, or at least drive myself crazy until I do. And my instinct now is telling me to take advantage of this open opportunity – in between projects, no lease in New York, fresh perspectives from having just lived abroad – to explore the city I’ve been curious about for so long and understand myself a little deeper in the process.  I’m at a point in my life where I can afford to try out another lifestyle. And plus, New York will always be there if I choose to go back. In some ways, knowing that I can always feel at home in New York gives me the confidence to explore elsewhere. And giving San Francisco a try is just something I know that I have to do. It’s as simple as that.

scuba diving in Thailand

I just returned from two weeks in Thailand. I spent the entire time down around on the Andaman Sea side, falling in love with the water, with the amazing food, and with scuba diving.

I finally got my PADI Open Water certification! I did several dives off islands near Phuket, and was taken away by the experience. Not only was there an abundance of marine life, the feeling of breathing and floating leisurely underwater while being completely enveloped in an environment that was previously foreign to my senses was almost magical. And acknowledging that our bodies are made up of almost 70% water made the whole experience of being under the ocean seem that much more surreal. I had always imagined scuba diving to be an equipment-heavy and clunky sport, but once you’re in the water and begin to deflate that BCD, it’s like submerging into a different, completely weightless world.

And the sea life! I love animals, but had never been too fascinated with marine life. Although my friend commented that it’s usually the other way around, discovering how much I liked the feeling of scuba diving has prompted me to want to learn more about life under the sea. Since coming back, I’ve began to read up on all the fish and marine life I saw on my dives.

Since being back, I’ve also started thinking about my next trip back to the waters. I’ve heard much about the Similan Islands off the coast of Thailand, and want to hop over there on my way back home. The diving center I used last time is offering a great 4-day/4-night Liveaboard trip that includes 14 dives(!!). I’m going to try dragging my instructor with me to get my Advanced Open Water certification on top of doing a few days of morning to evening diving. Can’t wait!

 

 

 

my idea of buying a house

At least within the next few years, I have no plans to purchase a house. I love the flexibility and cost effectiveness of paying rent (if you are single and live in New York, it is almost always cheaper to rent than buy). I may change my mind later on down the road, but for now, I prefer the ‘communal’ feel of being in an apartment and having a doorman (you try hauling large purchases out of taxicabs and into your room by yourself, or, going home alone late at night and pulling out your keys at your doorstep).

So yes. Although many friends from other states have already become home owners, I’m satisfied with my monthly routine of throwing money down the drain.

BUT. I read an article in MH on some bargain second-home purchases around the world. Totally enticing – checking out the estimated prices:

- an acre on Bay Islands, Honduras – $39,000
- two bedroom condo in Cabarete, Dominican Republic – $100,000
- five acres in Punta Gorda, Belize – $180,000

These are all great vacation spots, centrally located, close to international airports. it’s a big unrealistic to purchase these by myself, but splitting it with a few close friends would be totally worth it. Now that our lifestyles are becoming increasingly mobile, we are already finding it a little challenging to spend time together in one location. It’s also good for weekend getaways from work. to not to mention – we’d all cash in if/when the property appreciates.
Duuude.

short term plan

I’ve been out of school and living it up in the corporate world for several years now. For the past year, I’ve been thinking about going back to school, but could never get my act together to really decide on it. Ironically, now that I’m on the other side of the world, working in a completely different country and in a completely inconvenient position to be thinking about school, I’ve somehow convinced myself that not only am I going to back to school, I will be applying. Now. I totally should have knocked myself out of it when I had the chance, but now that I’ve wasted so much time thinking and planning and daydreaming, I’m afraid I’ve already gone to the deep end.

So this means that I’ve sworn off fun for the next two months, as I will be sitting at home pulling teeth to write essays after essays about how amazing I am. Exhilarating. So the plan is:

• September – Columbia’s application essays
• October – short trip to Tokyo, then Haas and NYU’s application essays
• November – if I’m lucky, Columbia interview; if I’m not, I will probably drown my sorrows with a trip to Thailand. Not too shabby either way, i guess.
• December – Take another trip, perhaps to India to visit the Taj Mahal. Then head back home to the States to await my fate, while simultaneously over-indulging in everything sinful in the developed world.

Oh boy. Here goes nothing.

I’m frustrated. I know that working in another country means dealing with different viewpoints. But here’s one thing I’m sure of: the opposite of advancement and growth is not decline. It is stagnation.

Indifference is destructive.

genesis

I am from New York. I love to jog along the Hudson. I love wine. I love cafes. I decided to take a temporary job opportunity that comes only once in a lifetime. So now I’m in a place, a country, where women cover their skin in public, where alcohol is forbidden, and where Unilever convinces everyone that Nescafe is coffee.

I’m starting this blog because I realized that I am otherwise too utterly and completely absorbed in my job, which takes up almost all of my time, and in the oddities of living in this country, which takes up almost all of my energy. So this blog will be my periodic escape from here, without the need for an international flight. Which inevitably means that this blog is destined to be about nothing related to work.

** incidentally, I am writing about my experience in another blog. I don’t care to link the two blogs, so please email me if interested.